What’s “Tymbers in the Wyld” One Might Ask:
This occasional blog series is a playful parody in which the writers over here at the Tymber Shades blog imagine which Tymber Shades would best fit celebrities and stars as well as pop culture icons. All image sources are listed below each image and we promise they are poorly photoshopped to add in--you guessed it--Tymber Shades. None of the people (or animals) appearing in any of our photos in these posts are actually wearing nor endorsing Tymber Shades. This is all just satire and for funsies.
Lions and Tigers and Bears--Everywhere!
We imagine that just like those of us here at Tymber Shades, you’ve probably been stuck at home due to this terrible Coronavirus Pandemic. And while we are still keeping the website and blog going, while working at home and maintaining social distancing, as we all should, well, you know that classic Shining saying: “All work and no play…”
So in the evening, we’ve been catching up on some truly binge worthy titles, and lately, this one has been blowing up the Internet with folks claiming that it is the only thing crazier than what’s actually going on in the world right now. And I’ve gotta say, that’s pretty apt.
So here at Tymber Shades, we thought we’d have a bit of playful fun and introduce you to the stars of Netflix’s new smash hit docudrama series, Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem, and Madness.
Warning: While we are going to try to keep Spoilers to a minimum, there’s always a chance that we might slip up and include something you might think is one. So please at least check out the first episode of the series before you read on. Also, this is a parody post, so none of these actors are actually wearing or endorsing anything, including Tymber Shades. We’re just playing around. You have been warned and disclaimed!
Some Sympathy for the Devil?
Now before we go too much further into this playful post, I feel like it is only appropriate that we actually do show some deference for the folks involved in this pretty provocative and truly sensational new Netflix show. If you watched it already, you likely know that there is controversy. And while we aren’t here to take sides and truly enjoyed the show for its entertainment value, I do think that it is important to note that if you follow anyone around with a camera for 5 years, you’re likely to catch some crazy stuff. Likewise, it is easy during editing to pick and choose which parts to include or focus on. So we don’t want to comment on any of the lawsuits or PETA related incidents. Personally, I’m skeptical of zoos, in general, but my political beliefs have nothing to do with watching an intriguing new documentary series on Netflix to pass the quarantine time.
What we can say for certain is that these individuals are all amazingly unique and curious folks.
Oh, that and…
There be tigers!
There isn’t time to cover the whole ordeal, but we thought it would be fun to try to match up the portrayals of these unique folks with some of our most unique pairs of Tymber Shades. Think of it as a mock personality test of sorts. If the versions of these people from the Tiger King show had taken a Tymber Shades personality test to pick out the perfect pair of shades for each of them, how would it have come down? Who would end up with what shade?
Let the Sunglass Fitment Testing begin!
Joe Exotic: the Tiger King, Himself
It seems only right to start with the namesake of the show, Joe Exotic.
Joe manages a zoo full of various exotic animals, including, as you can see from the image, tigers. He christened himself, “Joe Exotic,” and became the front man of the zoo as well as his very own online TV show, Joe Exotic TV.
To say that Joe is larger than life just seems to be an understatement. He’s been the subject of multiple documentaries. He’s run for President of the United States. Heck, he’s even put on a pretty strong campaign for governor of Oklahoma. And of course his social media is chock full of various photos of him with exotic and wild animals, such as this tiger here.
Joe is a cornucopia of cognitive dissonance, by his own admittance. He’s an openly gay man, yet he self identifies as a redneck and a libertarian. He is packing a handgun in nearly all of his photos and videos, so I think we can safely say he supports second amendment rights to bear arms. And, oh, yeah, almost forgot, he’s got tons of exotic animals at his zoo, including tigers and chimps and alligators.
Regardless of your thoughts on the man, the myth, the legend himself, one thing is for certain: this guy’s got his very own unique style. So we thought we’d start with him when it came to picking the perfect pair of Tymber Shades for someone as unique as he is.
We also wanted to start with Joe because, honestly, this is gonna be tough. Joe has so much charisma and style of his own that we figure he could pull off just about any one of our shades. So let’s pick a top 3 and try to narrow it down, shall we?
#3 The Triton
We felt that Joe brings so much to the table, that our elegant yet classic Triton might make a great pairing. When looking for a slightly more subdued look, like maybe when taking your husband out on the town for some lunch without any cameras rolling, we felt Joe could really nail the Triton look.
Similar to an old school Wayfarer style shade, the Triton has enough curves to be provocative, yet it isn’t showing off so much skin that it becomes too much. We could see a smoldering Joe wearing these sexy sunnies in his single days, for instance, before he settled down. When you’ve got too much charisma and sex appeal wrapped up already in your clothing and personality and just the way you carry that chiseled body, then you might want something a little more elegant for your eyewear to help balance things out.
But as we thought about it more, it became more and more clear that the Joe who’d rock the Tritons is probably a Joe of the past, not the Joe Exotic of the here and now. So we put the Triton up as our third option.
#2 The Hydra
Manly, one-piece lens design, a fashion statement that is hard to look away from: not sure if I’m talking about Joe or the Hydra here? Then you’d be just right, on both accounts. Cause this shade is perfect for those looking to stand out in the crowd.
We can imagine Joe rocking these sporty shades while walking down the red carpet. What if all his Joe Exotic TV footage were redone featuring Hydra Shades perched on the top of his manly man mullet. You thought it was hard to look away before, you just wait!
And Hydra Tymber Shades are ready for whatever the world throws at you today, whether that be rain or shine, a relaxing day at the local exotic wildlife zoo or reporters with loads of cameras excited to get your latest statement on the governor's race or even a scandalous and personal interview about the newest to do in the big cat world.
Now for most of us, having a full one piece sunglass design boast of all bamboo frames is enough to make you the center of attention. But now imagine that your competition isn’t other ladies or gents. It’s tigers. Yeah, we’re gonna need something bold here.
And that’s why while we felt the Hydra sunglasses could tackle just about anything, we might have one slightly better option for our flamboyant Joe Exotic.
#1 The Siren
I know. It was obvious from the start. Those feminine curves. That star appeal. How could we not recommend that Joe sport these sexy and sleek Siren Tymber Shades. Again the difficulty was that with all that charisma and eclectic clothing selection already, it was hard not to have him try on every Shade we could think of.
But at the end of the day, Joe’s style and element is certainly that of the Siren.
While this all natural bamboo shade is traditionally worn by women, as gender and sexual distinction marks melt away, so too does gender normative eyewear. Of course, anyone can wear any of our sunglasses. And any one, man or woman, after a flamboyant option dripping with sex appeal and the power that can only be associated with someone like Joe, well, and maybe a wild big cat, would only truly be suited for the Siren.
She calls from the wild, after all, singing her seductive song, pulling at heartstrings of men, making it impossible not to hear, not to see her in all her dangerous appeal.
Here’s Joe with our added (poorly photoshopped) Siren Shades:
What’s better than that? A fully grown man wearing the most gregarious of shirts unbuttoned down to his navel, with a handgun holstered on his hip, surrounded by tigers and tigresses?
Yeah, we agree. The only pair of shades that could complete that ensemble is a shiny new pair of Sirens.
And while Joe’s certainly the star of the show, we’d be remiss if we didn’t try to get his arch rival into her very own perfect set of sunglasses from Tymber Shades.
Carole Baskin: Social Media Star of Big Cat Rescue
First, let us gush a bit. Regardless of your thoughts on PETA or exotic pets, or even the alleged scandal from her past in the documentary series, you’ve got to admit that Carole and Big Cat Rescue are killing it on social media. She’s got Facebook and Instagram figured out and covered like a big cat on fresh meat. For seriously, we are impressed with your skills as a social media marketer, Carole. And so we just knew we had to picture you in the perfect pair of shades.
But first here’s the undoctored O.G. photo of the Big Cat Rescue Queen herself:
She’s rescued loads of big cats over the last few decades. And her style, while considerably more subdued than say Joe’s, is inspired by the animals she works with.
Carole, to us, has a mix of the feminine with the feline coupled with the earthy elements of a druid. Don’t see it? Go watch the show. No. For real. Go watch it!
What else do you have to do while you’re stuck at home?
So when we tried to narrow it down to the perfect pair of shades for Carole, we seriously considered two options.
#2 The Siren
I know. Here it goes again.
The Siren is that sassy, I do what I want feminine mystique that we feel Carole embodies. On the every day, rocking that social media vibe, we could definitely see Carole pulling these super modern one-piece lens shades off.
And we think they’d only increase her viewership, honestly.
But we got to thinking about that druid part of Baskin.
She loves riding her bike and sporting flower woven crowns around her head. And the Siren might be a little too in-your-face for that.
Furthermore, when we thought about Carole and her husband, Howard, enjoying the opera (Howard actually has a hell of a singing voice, by the way), we felt that the Siren might not be the perfect fit for her. So we decided to make this pair of seductive shades the runner up for Carole. Would be odd to put her and her arch nemesis in the same pair of shades, anyway, right?
So we took another look, and we came up with the perfect pair.
#1 The Triton
I don’t even hardly have to go on about this decision. I mean, as soon as you see them on her face, you’re gonna agree: these are the perfect shades for this lovely lady.
The Triton shades bring elements of feminine grace along with a more subdued sex appeal. They aren’t as over the top as some people are--all the time--but they still give you that little something extra that makes people do a double take when you pedal by on your bicycle, live streaming to the peeps on social media, jiving about big cats.
We feel like these Triton sunglasses are the perfect fit too for someone with a bit more upscale class, like Carole. Someone who isn’t afraid to get dirty during the day at work on the wild life reserve, but who’s ready to party at night out at the club or taking in a foreign film with her hubbie.
Yes, these Tritons are practically made for her. Just take a look at them for yourself.
Here’s Carole with our added (poorly photoshopped) Triton Shades:
The Tiger King and Big Cat Queen are on the Prowl Again.
That concludes our Tymbers in the Wyld segment for this time around. Disagree with any of our selections? Think another pair of our Tymber Shades would have fit Carole or Joe better? Hit us up on social media and tell us all about it.
In the meantime, we hope you all are staying safe out there and binging some classic television. Have any suggestions for what stars we should try some Tymber Shades out on next? We’d love to hear from you on socials.